Category: Let's talk
How good are the rest of you at recognizing people's voices? I figure I'm either very bad or the expectations of most people are unrealistic, but I'm not sure which. A couple of examples: This semester I sat next to a certain grad student for every lecture in my math class. We didn't talk every day, but we'd had several conversations. She seemed very surprised the first time she encountered me somewhere else and I didn't know who she was. I often consciously recognize voices by features like accent (in her case the way the letter 'r' is sounded in certain words). Another time I failed to recognize a professor I'd worked with for years. We normally only met in his office, but that time he saw me outside and called to me from a distance. This meant his voice was about an octave higher than usual in addition to being out of context.
I get so many comments like "you really don't know who I am," that I just explain to people when I meet them that learning voices often takes me a lot of effort and they can probably expect me to ask for their names the next 50 or so times I see them. Is the idea that I'm supposed to be good at this a sighted misconception?
Yes it is a sighted misconception.
What I usually do is ask how good they are at recognizing voices over the phone.
You're absolutely right at what you said with distance and acoustics. Some of us are just less prone to remembering names. I am one of these. I would be bad at recognizing faces if I were sighted.
Of course, the difference between faces and voices is that acoustics can really mess with the sound. Most sighted people could not recognize the face of a casual acquaintance if they saw that face in a funhouse clown mirror.
And that is what wind, distance, pitch change, and other sonic factors do to us.
Here's something weird for ya:
The summer after my eighth-grade year, most us boys' voices changed. Mine had done most of it during my eighth-grade year.
Now you know how junior high kids are particularly sensitive to being snubbed. Well, here comes everybody, we're all back at school. And I recognized very few of my friends. Some wouldn't talk to me anymore because they just thought maybe I was snubbing them, or had just gotten too uppity over the summer.With a boy's voice changing to a man's, and all the rest that comes with puberty in young males that nobody talks about, there was sure a lot of confusion.
Here I sit, early 40s, and I can remember that situation clear as day.
I personally have never been that good at remembering voices. I really have tried, especially with my daughter's friends, seeing as many a teenage girl gets quite upset if one of the dads doesn't remember who's who.
When I went to the churches with the Wife, I rarely remembered all the voices of the people she knew. Usually only those of the people I worked with in the back washing dishes for some social event.
I nearly mistook the Captain of the Port, a mild-spoken guy, for one of the new guys I was supposed to check up on and get into some classes when I was in charge of Member Training at the Coast Guard flotilla out here.
I bet you'll find that people who remember voices are those that work with people. My wife is in the social services / education field and she remembers faces - and a lot of characteristics - of a whole ton of people.
Hope that helps, and yeah, you're not alone.
Where I used to work, there were two or three women with very similar voices. I had no problem telling them apart when in a group, but if one of them just walked by me real fast with a quick "Hi Becky" I often was not sure who it was, so I would just say "hi" without using their name.
I think difficulty telling voices apart is one reason I don't enjoy TV shows as much as I did when I could see. Some shows have too many characters who sound similar to each other, and I can't tell who is talking half the time and quickly lose interest in new shows for that reason.
I'm the odd one out, I guess. I recognize people's voices quickly, and I remember who works where, when I encounter them.
I've gotten worse at this the older I get. I compare it to sighted folks being bad with recognizing faces and tell them I'll probably ask their name when I see them for a while, not because I don't know or remember who they are but because I'd rather know for sure with whom I'm speaking. I hate having to put on a show like a carnival act and therefore refuse to play the "guess who" game. I get that right out in the open at the get go. It's taken me a while to get comfortable with being up front about that rather than just faking it like I used to do but this way is much easier for everyone. Actually, I go ahead and say something to the effect of, "Please go ahead an let me know who you are when greeting me, something as simple as Hi, DG, it's Bobl."
Most of the time I'm pretty good with voices. I better be since I listen to music a lot, so my favorite singers are etched into my memory banks and can't possibly get lost. I actually may be the odd one out here, but I hate it when people have to constantly remind me who they are every time I see them. Like, "Hi, John, It's Rick," or whatever. I mean, I've heard your voice a million times already. Makes me uncomfortable with how to approach people that way.
I usually tell someone ifI don't need them to remind me who they are. Some peoplelike to tell every time they talk to me, and I get tired of it after awhile, so I politely tell them that they have a distinctive voice or that I encounter them often enough that I don't need reminers. At the opposite end of the spectrum from those who think you need reminders are those annoying people who like to test you by saying something like "Can you guess who this is?" I just want to slap those people.
johndy and Becky, I'm totally with you. I don't need to be reminded who people are, every time I talk to them, and I won't stand for the "guess who" game, either.
I hate the "guess who" game! I used to tolerate it as a teenager, because people seemed to find it entertaining. But I'm over it; it just irritates me now. I've had a few people seem truly offended that I didn't recognize their voice after I'd only spoken with them once or twice.
my god I got a lot of that "Guess who" game. It makes my blood boil when
people I've seen once or twice wish me to remember who they are by there
voice? Really? No. I am good at remembering people's names by their voice if I
see them constantly. It gets annoying though.
My favorite response to the Guess Who game is to "guess" some recent criminal interviewed on TV, or some other notorious character people know about in the general area.
If I'm putting on a show, they're gonna be the dancing monkey, not me. Most who aren't too uppity-uptight can get a laugh out of it and see the point.
Also, women's voices tend to change with age, so if you remember a woman's voice from 20 years ago, hers might be different enough to be beyond recognition if you have not seen her in that long.
YEah, yall bring up an excellent point about people with distinctive voices feeling the need to announce who they are.
Leo, I love your response to the guess who game. I'm sooooooo doing that next time.
I usually respond to the "do you know who this is?" game is to say something like "don't you know?"
Bob
I know the voices of people I see often, but not these of people I might not see for a long time, or that have changed in some way.
Not only age, but guirth, and other things can change a persons voice, male or female.
I don't play the game. You say who you are if I don't know, or I'll not know you. Smile. Fine with me.
I wonder why people ever do that when it's obvious I don't know. Fortunately it doesn't happen often anymore, probably because I refuse to guess and just keep repeating "I don't know.".
I love your response to the guessing game, leo. I'll have to keep it in mind, for future reference.
Post 6, I totally agree with you.
My philosophy is people don't need to remind me who they are, but they don't need to play the guess who game either. Oh and, it really irritates me when I'm with someone and another person says hi, and the person I'm with says (very loudly), "Do you know who that is?" Even if I know who it is I still don't give in to guessing. I simply say yeah, and keep it moving. In general, I'm good with voices until I see someone out of context (with the exception of close friends and family). If I see a prof from a year ago in the mall, I probably won't know who it is with just a simple hi, but if we get in to a real conversation, I can easily figure it out. It's the same for sighted people though, some are good with names and faces, some are good with faces but can't remember where they know a person from, and others are just not good with remembering either. If I don't remember a name, I'll just ask someone near me (if I'm with other people, that is). I don't usually ask the person speaking though, it's just personal preference.
I luckily haven't had anyone do that one to me as of late, although I think if anybody ever did do that, I'd respond, "I dunno, do *you* know who you are?" LOL!
I agree that it happens to sighted people as well. I was at a mall with a friend one time and we ran into someone she knew. They talked and talked and talked, and I stood there holding my shopping bags hoping she would either introduce me to this person or tell this person we had to get going. Finally, the other person said she had to go and walked away. I asked my friend why she hadn't introduced me, and she said she was embarrassed that she couldn't remember her name. She knew her as a neighbor when she still lived with her dad, but she couldn't remember her name. I guess I could have spoken up and introduced myself and said something like, "Leslie and I were college roomates. Where do you know her from?" That way she would have told me her name which would have also helped my friend Leslie. But I hadn't realized she didn't remember the woman's name; I figured she just didn't realize it was polite to introduce us.
As a hard of hearing person I find the identify yourself thing helpful.
I can be good at recognizing voices most of the time wheterit be by accent or the timbre or other characteristics. Ihave a few close female friends who have, for lack of a better term, very small voices. Granted one of them also has a little bit of a New York twang, though not so much that it gets anoying. I do however have trouble recognizing voices in a louder environment such as a typical evening at the Karaoke bar I go to.
Loud environments are difficult, not just for voices.
If you are sitting across from your date, something that benefits sighted people, and you are in a loud environment, it's hard to hear. Most sighted people in that situation use a combination of hearing, lip reading, body language and gestures to understand what each other is saying. The brain is a fantastic machine for filling in the gaps. Gaps we don't necessarily have in that environment.
That's why if I know someone very well I will sometimes ask that they please sit next to me rather than across the table. I feel like they're distancing themselves from me by sitting all the way over there. This is true in a physical sense, but sighted people don't seem to feel or notice it. I didn't know that what seems distant to me might seem intimate to them.
voyager, that's a good point, regarding sighted people often sitting across from people who are blind, rather than next to us. however, that's typical, for the circumstance they're dealt.
what I mean, is, they're used to seeing our expressions and such, so just as you say it seems distant to you for them to sit across from you, it would likely be just as awkward, if not more so, for them to only hear you.
Interestingly once they know me really well they often say they've stopped trying to read my face as it does them very little good.
I think your case is the exception, rather than the rule, though.
generally, for most of us, sighted people know us by our faces. I can't tell you how many times I've been told, "I know your face, but I don't remember your name."
Are you talking strictly about identification or reading emotion through facial expressions? My appearance seems to be distinct enough that most people recognize me (and even remember my name!), while I'm struggling to remember if I've ever met them. Expressions seem to be a different story. I have a few facial expressions, but a few people have complained that my face looks blank and they can't tell if I'm enjoying myself or what my intentions are. It's weird to have to assure someone, yes, I want to stay here, yes I promise I'm having fun! Lol.
Voyager, I know what you mean. Several people have told me that my facial expressions are very hard to read; only people who have known me for years seem to be able to pull it off.
I have also been told that my facial expressions barely exist.
Something that I think is also interesting is my ability to "read" other people by the sound of their voice. I think that most folks are pretty good at hiding their feelings on their faces, but they pay little attention to how they sound.
I once worked for a guy whose voice actually changed if he was trying to hide something. Once he had to tell me that a pet project of mine had been canceled. It was really interesting to hear his words as I heard the truth in his voice.
That would have been a good project, too. <lol>
Bob
I was not talking about facial expressions, but simply people recognizing me by my face.
my facial expressions are not hard to read, though. if you can't tell through my voice what I'm thinking, feeling, ETC, you'll definitely know by looking at my face.
The 'Guess Who?' game? Now as point of reference, makes me think of Herbert the Pervert and the Paper Boy on Family Guy.
The talk on here about sighted people getting offended if you don't recognize there voice got me interested. I think the reason for this is mainly that sighted people are very used to people recognizing them by face and usually sighted people will go to great lengths to hide that they don't recognize someones face. For example they will talk to the person as if it was totally clear on both parts who they were talking to, even if it was not. The thing is with us who have to rely on voices to recognize people we will be asked if we recognize people. And if we don't than we can ither guess or just say, " no m'lady I don't have a single clue about who you possibly are" or something like that. :) As for guessing, it's usually a pretty risky option so I at least usually go with the honest answer if I don't know who I'm talking to.
So the end result is people generally get offended if they get the impression that you don't know them, it's just that blind people more often end in situations that invite the knowledge that you don't know who you're speaking to because people tend to ask us if we remember who they are more often than they normally do.
The whole facial expression thing is interesting to me. Unfortunately, I've been told I can't hide practically anything when it comes to my facial expressions, particularly if I find someone to be really annoying.
The worst is when you get two people with similar voice pitches and the same accent.
Talk about siblings or twins.
yeah. I have a friend with two twin girls, and though they're only three years old, I still have trouble figuring out who's who. lol.
My brother and his wife have triplets. Even when they were babies, they had them color
coded so they could tell who was who. Now that they're 10, 11 years old, they still prefer
their respective colors.
I tend to be extraordinarily poor at remembering voices as I pay more attention to the words that are being uttered rather than the voice quality and aesthetic appearances of it, if you will. Often I do not even tend to remember the names of the people I speak to and will need reminding of their identity. I usually have no shame in requesting that they help me identify who they are. With individuals I know well, I find that I sometimes confuse names as well. I have for example confusingly addressed my friend Tyler as James. It is true with twins. Are anyone on here familiar with the Clark brothers in New Florence Pa? I am unable to usually distincguish between James and timothy voice.
concerning
the guess who game I don't usually acquaint or befriend individuals who enjoys that type of game. I mildly tolerate it but do not usually play the game directly. If people are offended that I do not recall who they are or even remember their name, then, I suppose that's their problem, not mine. I do not tend to be rude about it, but there is nothing I am able to do that will make then not be offended.
Yes, I have the same type of issue with movies and television shows. My sister desired me to watch a Japanese anime, Psychopass, English dubbed with her. The voice actor for three of the actors were very similar in how they sounded, which confused me. I could not tell the difference between ginosa, cogami, and kagari.
for myself, My facial features are not exactly blank, however it remains rather difficult to read my facial expressions. Part of it has to do with my personality and how closed off I am. sometimes, it is rather difficult with read it in my voice as well. AS to recognition, I tend to be readily recognized by quite a few, however much of an introvert I tend to be and do not wish to draw attention to myself. It's not my actual features either. Nothing is quite distinguished about them. However my personality tends to make me rememberable. I tend to have people rather enjoy my company or have people absolutely dislike who I am. IN that sense. People tend to strongly remember what my apearence is. I am always that girl.